


now or never.

by karaginshi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Confusion, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-05 23:32:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karaginshi/pseuds/karaginshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"you're gonna end up dead, and the cause will end up being gamzee makara."</p><p> - - - - - - - - </p><p>My first Gamzee/Tavros fanfiction. This fanfiction is mainly PBJ, with Tavros/Dave. I hope you guys enjoy it. I'll probably add more details and such into this chapter later, I'm sorry this chapter is short, the rest should be longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. stuck.

you sit at the corner of your bed. you're scratching at your wrists, they tend to be irritated after being held roughly for too long.

truthfully, you're wrists aren't the only things irritated right now.

you have a killer headache, several bruises along your arms and what you suppose is a sprained ankle.

you look over your shoulder at the man who's sleeping so peacefully. if only he where like that at all times.

he was protective in all the wrong ways, he didn't like you with dave. 

he said he didn't have control over it. he'd apologize, over and over and over again. 

it was getting old...

dave seen the bruises and cuts. he asked but you never answered. you stayed silent. 

your silence only made him come to conclusions faster. he gets you out of your home any chance he gets. he doesn't like you there.

you're stupid.

you have to admit it.

the truth is that your boyfriend of 6 years, tends to have major mood swings. moods swings he can't control, it scares you but there's nothing you can do about it.

you need to leave.,

you need to run.

he won't let you though. he'll drag you back into the same hell hole you've been at the whole time. 

you place your open palms above your boney thighs before lifting them up to wipe away at your tears.

you're scared, you're irritated, you're feeling so much right now and even though you tell yourself you'll leave, you won't.

you love him, or atleast something deep inside says you do.

you're gonna end up dead, and the cause will end up being gamzee makara.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

you shift slightly on the sofa, your eyes glued to the television. you sip at the soothing tea that remains in your mug. 

"mornin." 

you don't look up and you don't reply. you stick to acting like you're actually paying attention to whatever crap is on tv.

"taaavvy?"

still silence.

"i know you can hear me."

no shit. of course you can. 

you lift your gaze to him. he's stalking over to you and you don't exactly know why. 

"um..w-hat do you want?" 

fuck. you're trying to be serious for once and there goes your once forgotten stutter, working itself up again.

he's giving you a pained expression before taking a seat on the couch beside you.

he looks at your face and sees the developing bruise on your cheek, he gently runs his fingers along it before slowly shaking his head.

"fuck tav.. about last night.. i'm really motherfucking sorry."

his fingers stay there for a moment before you brush them away.

"as if you actually ment that..", you grumble beneath your breath.

you can't see him, but you can almost feel his frown. 

"tav, we could go do something today? if you motherfucking want to.. i'll take you wherever your lil' heart up and wants to go."

you grow uncomfortable and decided to abscond to somewhere else. you stand up and leave the mug in the kitchen before walking to your room.

you shut your door on your way in, which is pointless considering the fact it gets slammed open in less then five minutes.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

you kiss gently along his tear stained cheeks, your hands placed firmly against his jawline while your index fingers trace small circles where they are placed, his face paint is a blotchy mess.

"it's alright gamzee, it's not your fault.." 

it was his fault, but you put it behind you and tend to your emotionally wrecked boyfriend. 

he's too high to beat you at the moment, and he's feeling regretful.

he's clinging to you like a kid does to a toy, he's whimpering and shaking and all you can do is tell him it's okay when it's not. 

it's not okay, but you love him. and you do stupid shit when you're in love.

you lean over above him to get your phone when you hear it receive a message. 

you read the message mentally:

"we still meeting tonight?" 

you bite your lip before looking at gamzee. looks like you better find a way to get him to sleep by the time dave comes to pick you up.


	2. love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sucky short chapter. 
> 
> I guess I should say several things about how the last chapter ended. When Dave means 'meet up', he doesn't necessarily mean it as an act of engaging in any kind of activity besides those that friends share. At the moment Tavros, and Dave are just friends, But Dave does have 'more than friend' feelings for Tavros, and Tavros knows that, there'll be more Tav/Dave in the next chapter, and if there are any suggestions, feel free to comment.

Your legs are pulled up against your chest. Rufioh's giving you that look again, and you're growing vexatious. 

"He's treating you like shit Tav." 

You shake your head before wrapping your arms around your legs and resting your chin on your knees.

"..it's not his fault, he doesn't mean to. You should see him when it's all over, he's crying and apologizing and it's not like he purposely forgets to take his pills or anything..", by anything you mean get high.

Rufioh rubs his neck awkwardly before looking anywhere but at you (you're thankful).

"You say the same thing all the time. Maybe it's about time you leave hi-".

"Don't."

"What? Tavros, I'm just trying to help you with your problem-".

" I don't need help! I've been with him for six years already, I'm perfectly capable of dealing with our relationship Rufioh!".

"Tavros, you don't get it! Gamzee's been like this for how long? Two, three years? If your capable of dealing with your relationship, you won't be covered in bruises, right?"

You're on your feet now, sitting just makes you more impatient with yourself. 

You don't want to hear this anymore. You already have to listen to Dave tell you this over and over again, and the last thing you want is Rufioh coming here and telling you it too.

"At least I'm not stuck with someone because I don't have the guts' to break up with him! At least I actually love Gamzee, yeah he may throw me around sometimes, and he may be over protective, but at least I LOVE him!"

You didn't mean to bring Horuss up, but you can't accept advice from someone who's having relationship problems as well.

Your eye sight is blurring and your tears are bound to pour out by this point. You're crying because even though you don't wanna listen to your older brother, what he's saying is true, you can't fight it, but you do, you always will. Gamzee's always stuck up for you, so you'll stick up for him, even if he is the cause of all your arguments, headaches, and emotional stress.

And as if on cue, the front door knob jiggles around before finally opening, you turn your back to the door wiping away at your streaming tears so that Gamzee doesn't see you upset.

Rufioh takes the hint that it's time to leave, he stands up says goodbye to You and Gamzee then walks out the door, but not before delivering a glare in Gamzee's direction.

" Hey Tav.. you okay?".

You continue wiping your tears away before warm, lanky arms wrap themselves around you from behind. Gamzee's head is resting on top of yours.

"What'd he tell you Tav?"

You shake your head, muffling your sobs before turning around and clashing your face into his chest. He hugs you tightly before pulling you onto the couch with him. 

You keep your face buried into his shoulder for now. This is what you enjoy, you enjoy the part of Gamzee that actually cares about you, the Gamzee that can sit with your for endless hours just trying to make you feel better, the Gamzee that everyone seems to forget about because they only see the negative in him.

The house remains silent for awhile.

"This motherfucker is trying to change Tav." 

You lift yourself off of his chest before leaning back to get a good look at his face. You nod your head in agreement.

"It's just so motherfucking hard Tav, and it shouldn't be, but it all up and is, and I just try, I try so hard for you, because I need you here with me bro.. I need you."

"...I need you, too."

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You toss and turn, until finally opening your eyes, that happen to widen when you realize Gamzee's face is hovering above yours.

He's leaning over you, a small gap between your face and his. His palm rises from it's position beside your head, to caress your cheek gently. 

" ...gamzee?".

He just continues staring at you, you bite your lower lip gently as you stare back at him. You take the hand that's caressing your cheek and begin placing soft kisses along it's backside. 

You lift yourself into a sitting position, Gamzee soon does the same, sitting on the bed across from you. He isn't making any movements whatsoever so you decide to.

Your hand glides gently across his jawline before your fingers begin carding through his massive black locks of hair. You lean forward before pressing your lips against his, your arm falling delicately on his shoulder. 

He hums underneath his breath before wrapping his arms around your waist, his tongue begins to run along your bottom lip pleading for entrance until you oblige and open your mouth so that his tongue can roam alongside with yours.

You whine when his teeth capture your bottom lip, his hands snake from your waist to your thighs, where his hands now spread your legs a little wider as he scoots his body closer to yours.

" mhh, gamzee?", he looks at you as your hands run under his shirt. He removes his hands from your thighs and grabs the end of shirt, pulling it up and off quickly. 

You remain looking at him with hazy eyes until he removes your boxers, allowing your growing erection some space while he goes to remove his own garments. You prop yourself up on your elbows as he tugs at his pajamas pants and boxers till there down to his knees.

Knowing the next part too well, you open your mouth as he slides three of his fingers in, you run your tongue along them, making sure to leave as much saliva as you can. He retracts them after awhile before lifting you up alittle so that your thighs are straddling his, he mutters that he loves you before tenderly sliding one finger into you entrance. You wince at the pain as he begins bending and thrusting his finger into you. You squint your eyes, moaning quietly as he adds another finger. 

"g-gamzee..", You grip the bed sheet tightly as he thrusts them in alittle more, adding the last finger as he leans over to kiss your forehead a few times before finally pulling his fingers out. 

He grabs you by your hips before adjusting the tip of his member above your entrance. You lock eyes with Gamzee briefly before he slowly pushes in. 

You gasp as he hisses at the tightness that always returns. He moves slowly before his hips begin to pick up a pace, pushing in and out of you as your hands claw into his shoulders. 

He's groaning, friction burning on the inner walls of your slit. You begin pressing your hips more onto his. His hands skate up, grazing your sides lightly.

"Motherfuck- Taavvyy.", He croons as he pushes himself further into you, leaving you whimpering.

You moan his name as he shoves you further into the mattress, He's leaning over you now, gripping harder onto your hips as he continues going deeper.

You throw your head back when his fingers wrap around your member. You bite your bottom lip as he begins to pump you. 

" gah-gamzee!", The room suddenly feels hotter than before, and your feeling alittle light headed from all the foggy ness.

Gamzee leans back taking you along with him until his back is pressed against the bed. 

He looks at you threw half lidded eyes before his lips move, 'ride me'.

You place your hands against his chest before rocking your hips back and fourth.

"Fuck, Tav. Fucking, shit, fuck-", He's throwing his hips up to meet with your grinds, and you give a little whine before he takes ahold of your hips and forces himself in all the way.

You throw your head back in orgasm, your genetic material spilling between your body and his.

He holds his position for a bit longer before that familiar white substance leaks out of your entrance. He continues to throb though, as he begins to slow down his thrusts, just to make sure every last drop of his genetic material is out.

He pulls out with a slick pop, and you lay down on his chest, the both of you panting and catching your breath. He wraps his arms around you before kissing you repeatedly on the top of your head as he mumbles that he loves you.


	3. hurt.

You lay there in bed, staring at the ceiling fan. It's nine in the morning and Gamzee doesn't come home till five in the afternoon. You decide that you can't just lie down all day. You pick your phone up and send a quick message to Dave.

You're glad that you can finally tell Dave that the abuse has stopped . Gamzee hasn't snapped, and you're proud of him. You're proud he's been taking his medicine daily to calm his mood swings. You shuffle around in your room, getting dressed to meet your ironic friend.

You end up wearing a black tank top with khaki pants and black converse. You grab your wallet and keys before walking down the stairs and out of your home. 

Starbucks wasn't far from your suburban home you decide to walk there, you don't really like driving if it's not necessary, you enjoy walking and enjoying the cool relaxing upcoming spring air. 

You make it to your destination in less than twenty minutes, you can already see Dave through the window where he's sitting at. You pass by the window, tapping on it before sticking your tongue out at him. He shakes his head in a dismissive manner as you enter the area. 

"Took you long enough, Nitram." Dave implies.

"It didn't even take me that long..", you mutter before Dave stands next to you. He ends up ordering a mocha frappuccino for him, and a chai tea latte for you. 

You sip at your latte as the two of you walk down the boulevard talking about casual stuff, or at least what you consider casual.

You look up at Dave before fiddling with your cup.

"Dave, would it be ironic of me to say that love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes?"

He turns his head in your direction but you can't tell if he's looking directly into your eyes, considering the fact that his glasses are covering them.

He takes a deep breathe.

" Is it ironic for me to say love can cause you to overlook anything about a person, sometimes everything."

You don't say anything, you just keep your eyes glued to the ground as the two of you continue walking. You don't really understand irony, but your pretty sure that statement was towards you.

Though there is noise from all the chatting around you, and footsteps of others walking, it feels silent. Your head tilts to the side, as your eyes dart back towards Dave.

"He isn't like that anymore, and by he I mean Gamzee, and by anymore I uh, mean the violent ness?", it wasn't suppose to come out as a question but it still did. 

Dave shakes his head before dumbing his now empty coffee cup into the trash can, shoving his hands into his pant pockets. He turns his head towards you completely before stopping, "Really? Are you sure the clown isn't just like that temporarily?"

Your legs come to a halt beside him, your brows furrow. 

"Uh, yeah Dave. Do you see anymore bruises on me? He's been doing good, he hasn't done anything bad."

"No, I don't, but that doesn't mean he isn't gonna do it later, Tav, I care about you bro, I don't like it when I see you looking like a bruised peach, which tends to be all the time."

You snicker.

"Ah, uh, thanks Dave, thanks for calling me a fucking peach, really makes me feel better." 

A grunt escapes your mouth before you toss away your drink and turn in the direct of your house. You only get away by two steps before Dave gets ahold of your arm and hauls you back.

" Bro, it'd be weird if you where to leave, when you where the one who had the idea of meeting up."

A frown takes places on your lips as you snag your arm back, your arms cross against your chest as his hand firmly comes to a rest on your shoulder. 

He chuckles uncomfortably before his other hand finds it's way on your other shoulder. 

"I only hang around with amusing people Tavros, and you're one of them, but sometimes I think about you as a partner you know? I could treat you way better than your juggalo boyfriend, and I probably love you more than he does."

You know beneath those glasses his crimson eyes are burning holes into you, you feel heat rush into your cheeks as you look at everything, avoiding his face. 

He takes a deep breath before he pushes his glasses further down.

"Tav, I want you to be happy, with me." 

You back away. No, he didn't just say that, he can't be serious. Dave can't be telling the truth. You wish this is some sort of ironic joke that the two of you could laugh about later, but by the way his shades are resting at the tip of his nose, and how he's actually showing his eyes for once, you know for a darn fact that he's being truthful. 

Dave's hands are resting on your shoulders and they're gripping your tank top firmly. If your face wasn't bright red earlier, you're sure it is by now.

"Dave, I think I should-", but you don't get to finish. He's forcing his lips against yours. Your first instinct is to push him off, which you attempt but he's not letting go that easy. Your whimpering and before you can get him off something catches your attention. You look to the side of Dave's head to see Gamzee walking out of the flower shop that's located across the street from where you're at. He looks at you before stopping completely, you've finally gotten Dave off but don't have enough time to catch up with Gamzee, because when you do get to where he was, all you see is a bouquet of flowers that's held neatly together by an orange and purple ribbon, on the cement floor.

You rush to your house, leaving Dave behind. You don't really care about him at this point, you just need to see Gamzee. You need him to know that you have no interest in Dave. If there's one thing Gamzee hates, it's Dave. He's always hated Dave. He's always hated Dave and you knew that.

You feel guilty as you run up the steps to the door, you turn the knob to find out that the door was left open. The door closes behind you as you walk in. 

"Gamzee?", you call out as you walk in further. As you turn the corner you're suddenly jerked into the wall. You let out a gasp as Gamzee holds you against the wall. 

"Out of every MOTHERFUCKER, I see you with HIM. Out of all of the motherfuckers, him?! SERIOUSLY."   
You wince as his grasp grows tighter.

"Gamzee please, what you seen, I didn't kiss him-", he drops you and you scramble onto your feet. He begins walking away and you scurry behind him.

Your hand takes hold of his arm.

"Gamzee-"

He's faster than you.

You wince as his hand collides with your face, your face stings from the 'back hand' you received. Without thinking about it you return the slap, but truthfully you're pretty sure it hurt your hand more than it hurt Gamzee.

His eyes widen, probably from the shock, before he shoves you back, his throat growling as he calls you several names you don't seem to register. You let out a squeal as you fall back.

The only thing you seem to pay attention to at the moment is the regret on Gamzee's face, and the fact that you smash into the glass coffee table. Your not the only thing going down alone as the glass shatters underneath and around you from the force of the shove.

You let out a whimper before carefully lifting yourself off the hazardous floor, by the time you get up there's shards of glass sticking out from your hands, and some stuck to your right arm.

You spent more than an hour quietly crying and removing the glass before disinfecting your cuts. It takes you awhile to realize Gamzee fled the house as soon as you hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm debating on whether to do a sequel for this or not. Please comment if you'd like to see a sequel or something that is along the lines of that. If you have further questions feel free to ask, thank you for reading, and I'll be sure to write another GamTav fanfiction later.


	4. get you back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and horrible written chapter. Hopefully this chapter isn't 'that bad'.
> 
> & as the beginning says, this takes place Two Months Later/In The Future.

Two months into the future.

The apartment lays quiet as the June air flows its way through the closed blinds. You must venture further into the apartment to realize that there is a current resident occupying it. 

All the windows are closed except the one located in the bedroom. Said window remains pushed back as two pale arms prop themselves against it. 

A well used cigarette is lifted to the users lips as he inhales the smoke and keeps it there for a moment before barely letting his lips part and allowing the smoke to evaporate as it's forced out the window and into the night sky.

His eyes are half lidded as he stares out at nothing in particular, fiddling with the cigarette that his fingers posse. He wears nothing but polka dotted sweatpants, his chest glows a dusty white from the moon's luminous surface. 

A cautious hand is brought up to run threw the man's dark hair, making sure to not ruin the face paint that is spread neatly on his face. A hoarse murmur escaping his lips before he burns the cigarette out on the window seal.

His thoughts come to a halt when his phone suddenly rings. He cautiously makes his way to his phone before his eyes skim the bright screen.

_CG: HEY FUCKASS._  
CG: MEET ME AT THE MALL TOMORROW WHY DON'T YOU.  
CG: I'LL BE IN TOWN. 

He chuckled before messaging back a simple.

_TC: AlRiGhT BrO. :o)_

~

Making his way to the door he makes shirt his purple top fits perfectly. His wallet slips into his black jeans without a problem as he makes a sharp turn out of his door, making sure to lock it, before heading towards the stairs. 

It takes approximately thirty minutes until the walk ends, quickly making his way into the mall on a mission to meet his "BRO". He lets out a laugh that resembles more of a honk as he spots out his friend from in between the people. The guy with raven hair frowns when he realizes who's stirring up an argument with his friend. 

That spider bitch. 

He can't really hear what the talking is about from his position but he does tune in on some parts, such as:

_'Soooo what. It's not like I came creeping to see the two of you losers.'_

and

_'Yeah right, I'd rather spend time with Tavros than you.'_

Gamzee frowns as he finally reaches the two who become silent before Vriska gives a smirk in Gamzee's direction.

"Woooooooow. Looks like the fuck up did show up." Vriska laughs to herself, her cerulean tinted lips forming into a smile after said laughter. Her hand takes place on her hip as she flips her hair to the side. 

"You know, after Tavros' and your little incident I thought you vanished from earth. Poor little Pupa came crawling to me asking if I knew where you where. It's funny, it only took him a month to get over you before Strider moved in with him"

Vriska narrows her eyes, probably from her latest statement, before glancing at Gamzee. 

"It's a shame, if I would've been there first I would've tried getting Pupa's attention , like I used to before he met you."

Vriska lets out a far too dramatic sigh before smirking at Gamzee, who at this point, looked like he was about ready to murder someone. 

"Well, I have better things to do then chat with you loooooooosers, so bye." And like that, she's gone in a flash. 

Gamzee watches her disappear in the crowd before his attention is focused on Karkat. His bro gives him an almost pleading look before his hands are shoved into this pocket(s).

~

The childhood 'bros' stroll around the mall for awhile, entering mostly ever shop just for kicks, before the clowns attention is caught.

 _'Oh! Pupa I'm glad you could make it!'_

The clown straightens up abit, his eyes extending more than their usual half-lidded state. 

_'Nah.. It can't be that motherfucker..'_

But out of curiosity, he casts his head to the side, about to take a _'peek'_ , when-

_"Gamzee!"_ , that childish voice calls out, and he recognizes it all too well.

The older guy shakes his head, nah. It can't be possible.. He's been hiding for so long it's unbelievable that he's finally caught a glimpse of the younger man.

"I'll catch you later bro.", is all Gamzee mutters before turning and darting back to his apartment. 

Tavros lets out a whine as he forces himself between the crowds of people, he doesn't get far. By the time he's finally on the other side he has no trace of evidence leading him to the face painted man, but he does see someone who could help. 

~ 

"Why would I fucking tell you?", his voice is stern and angry, as usual. The taurus whines, fingers pressing against his temples.

"Karkat, for once just help me, please", He's begging by this point, his eyes beginning to water from the irritation. The cancer doesn't nothing but cross his arms.

"You're better off without him. The fuckass is finally working things out by himself. Why don't you go back with that smartass Strider?".

Tavros' lips pull down as he lets out a childish whine. 

With an agitated sigh, the cancer pulls out a rather small piece of paper and pen before scrawling down numbers on a piece of paper.

"I can't tell you where he lives now, you're going to have to get in contact with him on your own.", with that said he holds the piece of paper (with Gamzee's new number scribbled down on it) towards the teen with a mowhawk, awaiting for him to take the paper.

Tavros gives a forced smile before taking the paper, he looks it over before glancing back up to say a quick _'thank you'_ but realizes Karkat already began walking off.


End file.
